Often I was asked by devotees, why in this early age have I chosen to follow this line of preaching as generally preachers aged 50+ preach around the world. I thought of sharing my hidden truth with my lovers. When I was in college, I got two bollywood movie proposals and a few offers from modeling agencies. One of my dear friends after college went for a cabin crew course and later he got selected for it so, a new glamour life which I was hearing from his mouth gave me an attraction to think about it too.

I started to think about my carrier as a model, actor or as an air host and I thought, I could go there and enjoy the glamorous life and eventually could become the first Bollywood Goswami from Vrindavan.

With the full desire of exploring my brijwasi beauty to the world, I went to my parents in the morning when they were enjoying their morning tea after their Puja. I told my father, that I know, I have to be in this spiritual line at some point of my life but I really want to do something in my life for my own and enjoy my freedom.

He asked me very calmly, "I understand your feelings; tell us, what do you want to do?"

I said, "I have three ideas in my mind and when I will reach the age of 35-40, I will have to leave those professions, so then I can join you spiritually and before then enjoy this material world nicely."

"Share your ideas with us." He again asked.

I still remember how I had collected guts to approach them because they never listened to my future plans before. By my father’s behavior, I was confident that today no matter what, he is in a good mood and he will grant my wishes. I started to share my innermost ideas with them.

I said, "I have got a couple of proposals for from bollywood. I am now thinking to try for bollywood. It is something which none of us (goswamis) tried in 500 yrs."

"So, do you want to run around near trees with actress?" He asked

I thought, this for sure I don’t want, no matter what. It looks like a waste of time and really funny in bollywood movies. Running here and there and singing a romantic song whether there is need or not. So I replied, "yes you are right I don’t want that and it happens in most movies."

I said, "I have another offer from modeling agencies. I just have to work on my physique and then I can try to be a model."

"So, if the Rupa Company (India’s most famous undergarment company) hires you then all Gaudiya followers will find the next generation guru in inners with half naked girls. Right?" He asked.

I thought, no matter what, he is saying the truth. To become a model obviously many times I will have to appear in front of the media in undergarments only. So, I said, "yes, you are right. I can’t do that."

Now, there was one last choice left, which was attracting me over the past few months. I said, "I want to be a flight attendant."

He replied very gently, "So you want to be a waiter in an aeroplane?"

I was shocked, I never thought or expected such a reply from him.

He continued with his words and said, "I can ask one my disciples in a 5 star hotel, and they will pay you the same salary which you will get as a flight attendant. Moreover, he said, he can give me that same salary here only if I’m STILL willing to work as a servant here."

Now, obviously my heart was broken and my father made me speechless. I was nowhere, my desires were killed very silently and all my dreams which I was seeing for past few months were disappearing in front of my eyes.

I looked in my father’s eyes, and he began with his words, "Chandan, if a plant gets whatever he needs in the beginning then lastly he becomes a tree, he can be strong enough and give shelter to many birds, humans beings, give fruits, oxygen and when he dies we can use his wood. He becomes useful but he can become that when we take care of him in the beginning only. In such a way, it is your time to study scriptures, so then by that age you can start giving shelter to devotees. If you want to join spirituality in your late thirties then when will you study and when will you teach and preach?"

Whatever he was saying, I was listening from one ear and taking out from the second. I was more concerned on my dreams which were killed silently just a few minutes ago.

Since, I had obtained a professional business degree; I wanted to do something in life. With a sad mood I came back to my room and there were one big portrait of Shri Radharaman ji. I was angry and frustrated. I asked him, "what do You really want? When I had my desires, you killed them. Now what? I am at that age where every young boy feel miserable. But today when I tried to live my life, you had broken my heart. Now what am I supposed to do?”

When the day was over and night arrived I went to sleep in anger. I saw a dream, I was playing hide and seek with a beautiful girl in the caves. Now it was my turn to seek her, I was running after her and she went in one dark cave and when I entered there, I couldn’t find her. There was a 5 year old boy standing there with his stick.

I asked him, "who are you?"

"Don’t you know me?" He replied

I said sarcastically, "if I knew you, then would I ask this question?"

He said, "you called me today to give you an answer."

"Did I? When? Lala! pahle je bata woh chori kaha hai? (boy, tell me first where is that girl?)" I asked.

"Forgot your morning questions? I came to give you an answer." He said.

I felt something in His voice and looked at him and asked, "who actually are you?"

"I am Radharaman. This girl you are seeking, is none other then Maya who is playing a hide and seek game with you and you are wasting your time to catch Her when I am here." He replied.

I realized His powers and presence there and I bowed down to Him and with folded hands started to look at Him. 

When I am in front of you and gave you a birth in Vrindavan, as my servant, in a spiritual family to be a preacher but you want to run for Maya. In this human life, everyone wants to become what they think is good for them. But I gave you a birth not for chasing Maya. I want you to listen to your parents and start to live for others. Everyone lives for themselves. There are very few who lives for others.

I remember very nicely, after this dream was over, when I woke up I found that portrait which was hanging on my wall, lying next to me on my bed.

I was thrilled by this experience. From that day, I disconnected myself from the world for sometime and focused on Ekaant (Silence), started to study Vedant and adopted the Sidhaant (philosophy). And later, by Gurudev's permission, this dreamy boy started to act like a Guru. :)